I haven't written on this blog in 9 months. That is a wicked long time!!
My thoughts for today are a bit all over the place, so I will write a few thoughts down and will try to make sense. My life is good! Many days it feels hard, but really it is good. It is good, not because it is easy. It is good because God is good!
I spoke in an earlier post about this dissonance between the good and the bad often going hand in hand. I cannot say for sure why this seems to be true so often, but I attribute it to the goodness of God and His promise not to give us more then we can handle. These past weeks have been one of those times. The collision of life and death that leaves you spinning. You celebrate life and mourn death and cling to the hope that God is holding me tightly in His grasp.
A friend and remarkable woman passed away in her sleep a week ago. She was 43. That seems so young. It was so sudden. She made a huge impact on those around her. She loved to laugh and faced life with a smile. She inspired you to be better. She was someone I looked up to in my job and wanted to be like. I grieve the loss with the NFI community. She will be missed. The same day I found out that my friend had died, my mom went into the hospital with heart failure. The doctors don't know what has caused this, but her heart is very weak. She spends over a week in the hospital and has tests. Still no real answers. I want answers, yet there are none. I know myself though and with answers we can get things figured out and make a plan and I won't have to trust as much. I want life to be in the neat little package, but it's not. Mom gets to come home from the hospital, but can't work and can't do everything she used to do. There is now a big oxygen tank in their house. I have to go back to Maine to my life and to work. It's hard. You have these life events that cause you to stop and step out of the traffic of life for a bit. For my friend's family life has drastically changed. For my mom life has to change too. It seems strange to just move on; to go back to the way life was before. These hurts make me pause and ponder. You carry a bit of sadness within you, but the sadness can't take over your life.
This life will cause death and hurt, but it also brings life and joy! My best friend had a baby boy on February 26th. He was 8lbs. 10oz. and 20.5in. Welcome Little Stanton!!! She had lost 2 other babies previously and I weep at the joy in her having a baby!! Also, my cousin had her baby boy on February 28th. He was 8lbs. 11oz. 21.5in. Welcome Big Al!!! I stopped by and saw my cousin on my way home from my parent's. As, I held this new life in my arms, I was thankful to God. I had felt Him there in my grief of the loss of my friend, I had felt Him there in the hospital with my mom, and I felt Him now. I knew in that moment that life goes on. It doesn't remove the hurt of the loss. It doesn't mean you don't grieve. There is life after death and hurt. It can be a good life, not because it will be easy, but because God is good.
