March in Maine!!

March is such a crappy month weather wise in Maine. We live with the reality that Winter has not fully left us, nor is Spring fully here. It warms up just to chill down and snow again. I am convinced that this cycle is designed by God so that Maine does just slip into a giant mud hole as the snow melts. We need the process of melting and freezing to keep us where we are. None of that is true; I just need to tell myself something when I am out shoveling yet again in another March snow storm.

So moving on to what I LOVE about March - - - MARCH MADNESS BABY!!! (said in best Dickie V voice) The time of year when college basketball rules our world. There are far too many late nights! A few quick things you should know about me if you don't already: 1. My dad coached for 20 years and passed on his love for basketball to his girls. 2. We are all HUGE Duke fans!! 3. I don't have cable anymore so I don't get to watch much college hoops anymore :(

My bracket is all filled out and games started yesterday. The dance has begun - 64 teams to 1 team! There have already been some upsets, which is part of the fun cause there is ALWAYS upsets, but who? Brackets can get blown up early if you make the wrong choice. I'm in 2 pools this year. One with a few friends from work and one with the BeFree Community (thanks for letting me join you)! Since I don't get to watch many games anymore my brackets are not as strong as they used to be, so my hopes of winning are small. We all want to win the bragging rights for the next year, but really in March we all win because we get hours and hours of college basketball.

March Baby - The Best Worst Month of the Year!!!

Put Down Your Sign

My heart's desire in writing this post is to come from a place of love. It is truly NOT to start a debate and have disagreements over things I say. I simply want to share my heart. So here we go. It's that time of year where politicians begin popping up everywhere - TV, radio, facebook, newspapers, Twitter, and many more places. Then the conversations start. We want to know where the people in our lives stand so we can label them based on their political views. This happens on both sides. We are all guilty. The assumptions that are made based on what political party you vote for run deep and can be hurtful at times. Some might label me a dreamer when I say the age old question, "Can't we all just get along?" My greatest hearts desire is not simply for political peace. It is so much more then that. I believe that peace without God is not real peace. The God of the Universe that made us and loves us is the answer. No political party can solve our problems.

I was reminded of the Israelites in Bible times that we waiting for a Messiah. They were under Roman rule and wanted out. There were different groups back then and each had their own agenda. They each had their view of what would work. Some just went off into the woods and lived a life away from society. Some wanted to appease the Romans and just play nice. Some thought if they just lived a good enough moral life and kept all the rules things would be ok. Some wanted to take on the Romans and fight for their freedom. Then Jesus comes on the scene. Each of these groups wanted to make Jesus fit into their view of things and when He didn't they hated Him. Do we not do the same thing? We have decided what politician should do to make our country work and when they don't play by our rules we hate them. Jesus came with the message of forgiveness. He turned things upside down and is still asking us to do things differently. May we never forget that He is our answer! He made the world and knows how it works best.

Now because I am a Christian I get labeled as a right wing, conservative Republican. That is not who I am. I am a Jesus girl that loves God and wants His name to be praised. I want to love more then I hate. I want to forgive more then judge. I want to help more then I hurt. I want to know who people are more then just by a label. I want to stand together more then divided. I love this song by Casting Crowns.

"Jesus, Friend Of Sinners"



Jesus, friend of sinners, we have strayed so far away

We cut down people in your name but the sword was never ours to swing

Jesus, friend of sinners, the truth's become so hard to see

The world is on their way to You but they're tripping over me

Always looking around but never looking up I'm so double minded

A plank eyed saint with dirty hands and a heart divided



Oh Jesus, friend of sinners

Open our eyes to the world at the end of our pointing fingers

Let our hearts be led by mercy

Help us reach with open hearts and open doors

Oh Jesus, friend of sinners, break our hearts for what breaks yours



Jesus, friend of sinners, the one who's writing in the sand

Made the righteous turn away and the stones fall from their hands

Help us to remember we are all the least of these

Let the memory of Your mercy bring Your people to their knees

Nobody knows what we're for only what we're against when we judge the wounded

What if we put down our signs crossed over the lines and loved like You did



Oh Jesus, friend of sinners

Open our eyes to world at the end of our pointing fingers

Let our hearts be led by mercy

Help us reach with open hearts and open doors

Oh Jesus, friend of sinners, break our hearts for what breaks yours



You love every lost cause; you reach for the outcast

For the leper and the lame; they're the reason that You came

Lord I was that lost cause and I was the outcast

But you died for sinners just like me, a grateful leper at Your feet



'Cause You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever

You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever

You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever

You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever



Oh Jesus, friend of sinners

Open our eyes to world at the end of our pointing fingers

Let our hearts be led by mercy

Help us reach with open hearts and open doors

Oh Jesus, friend of sinners, break our hearts for what breaks Yours


May our eyes be open and may we love like Jesus!!

Way too long, but God is still good!!

I haven't written on this blog in 9 months. That is a wicked long time!!

My thoughts for today are a bit all over the place, so I will write a few thoughts down and will try to make sense. My life is good! Many days it feels hard, but really it is good. It is good, not because it is easy. It is good because God is good!

I spoke in an earlier post about this dissonance between the good and the bad often going hand in hand. I cannot say for sure why this seems to be true so often, but I attribute it to the goodness of God and His promise not to give us more then we can handle. These past weeks have been one of those times. The collision of life and death that leaves you spinning. You celebrate life and mourn death and cling to the hope that God is holding me tightly in His grasp.

A friend and remarkable woman passed away in her sleep a week ago. She was 43. That seems so young. It was so sudden. She made a huge impact on those around her. She loved to laugh and faced life with a smile.  She inspired you to be better. She was someone I looked up to in my job and wanted to be like. I grieve the loss with the NFI community. She will be missed. The same day I found out that my friend had died, my mom went into the hospital with heart failure. The doctors don't know what has caused this, but her heart is very weak. She spends over a week in the hospital and has tests. Still no real answers. I want answers, yet there are none. I know myself though and with answers we can get things figured out and make a plan and I won't have to trust as much. I want life to be in the neat little package, but it's not. Mom gets to come home from the hospital, but can't work and can't do everything she used to do. There is now a big oxygen tank in their house.  I have to go back to Maine to my life and to work. It's hard. You have these life events that cause you to stop and step out of the traffic of life for a bit. For my friend's family life has drastically changed. For my mom life has to change too. It seems strange to just move on; to go back to the way life was before. These hurts make me pause and ponder. You carry a bit of sadness within you, but the sadness can't take over your life.

This life will cause death and hurt, but it also brings life and joy! My best friend had a baby boy on February 26th. He was 8lbs. 10oz. and 20.5in. Welcome Little Stanton!!! She had lost 2 other babies previously and I weep at the joy in her having a baby!! Also, my cousin had her baby boy on February 28th. He was 8lbs. 11oz. 21.5in. Welcome Big Al!!! I stopped by and saw my cousin on my way home from my parent's. As, I held this new life in my arms, I was thankful to God. I had felt Him there in my grief of the loss of my friend, I had felt Him there in the hospital with my mom, and I felt Him now. I knew in that moment that life goes on. It doesn't remove the hurt of the loss. It doesn't mean you don't grieve. There is life after death and hurt. It can be a good life, not because it will be easy, but because God is good.

"The Teeny-Weenie True King"

Every month that has a 5th Sunday my church has a family service.  So today is one of those days.  For our "sermon" we are doing a drama from the Jesus Storybook Bible.  I am reading the story, as others act it out.  I have been reading over the story often and am moved by it.  It is the story of Samuel anointing David as the future king.  There are a few things that speak out to me from this story.

God's pursuit of a king that would be the best for His people.  God is so loving!! 
The close relationship between God and Samuel.  God deeply wants to live in relationship with us.
God's grace. He chose David for his heart and not for who he was on the outside.

I'm praying this morning goes well and that others will reflect on the amazing God in this story!

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What's the cost?

So if you know me much at all I am sure you have heard me speak of Becky & Suzanne.  These girls have been through so much with me and are true heart friends.  We are all different ages and have very different styles and personalities, but we work!  We used to do so much together, but time has passed and life has happened.  We all admit that we don't make the effort to stay connected as much as we should.  It amazes me that we can go a whole year or many months without really seeing each other or talking much, but when we get together life just flows out of us.  This happened last night. We went out to Applebee's, just the 3 of us, like we did in High School.  The conversation needed a map.  We were all over the place.  We jumped around from family, new jobs, loss, death, the anticipation of dreams let we want to come true but haven't, to hair styles and fun colors, favorite beers, not liking beer, awards at work, Harry Potter, birthdays, New Years Eve, and so many more. We talked and laughed and hurt and held back tears and then we ended the night with a round of shots!  It truly was bittersweet.  I thought a couple times throughout the night that it's ok that we don't stay that connected.  I thought that it's ok that we just see each other now and because we can just jump back in and catch up that were good friends.  I asked myself is this true?  Is that Jesus' model of friendship?  I laid in my bed last night and pondered the cost of this way of being friends.  I am thankful that we do reconnect so easily, but I also realize that this does cost us something.  Sure we can have a night every once in a while and catch up, but really we only catch up on big things.  By not doing life together in a real, genuine way we are missing so much.  So much of life happens in the details and in the mundane.  When you only see each other every once in a while you miss so much of what and who this person is in their day to day life.  You miss who this person is now.  You miss out on having them live out Jesus to you.  I am beyond blessed to have known Suzanne and Becky for so many years and I know we will always be friends.  I also know that God is at work in them and I don't want to miss out of growing with them.  May I never get stuck in the friendship of our youth, but may I pursue friendship and make time to know and be known. 

Thanks for a fun night, my girls!!

Hit Me Like A Brick

I heard in a sermon on Sunday a question. I have wrestled with it for several days now.


"Do I seek Jesus for who He is or for what He has to offer me?"

Let me say that again, "Do I seek Jesus for who He is or for what He has to offer me?"

I grew up in a churched background. I know the answer to that question or at least I know what the answer is supposed to be. So for several days I have wrestled with my answer really is. If I'm truthful, my answer is both. There are times when I do seek Jesus just for who He is, but more often it is for what he offers me or how I benefit from having a relationship with Him.
This is a hard truth to swallow. I feel guiltily for it. Then I hear Jesus softly whisper that it's not about me feeling guilty. I hear Him whisper that He loves me more then I can ever know. I rest in the person of Jesus Christ, fully aware that I am flawed, yet forgiven.