What's the cost?

So if you know me much at all I am sure you have heard me speak of Becky & Suzanne.  These girls have been through so much with me and are true heart friends.  We are all different ages and have very different styles and personalities, but we work!  We used to do so much together, but time has passed and life has happened.  We all admit that we don't make the effort to stay connected as much as we should.  It amazes me that we can go a whole year or many months without really seeing each other or talking much, but when we get together life just flows out of us.  This happened last night. We went out to Applebee's, just the 3 of us, like we did in High School.  The conversation needed a map.  We were all over the place.  We jumped around from family, new jobs, loss, death, the anticipation of dreams let we want to come true but haven't, to hair styles and fun colors, favorite beers, not liking beer, awards at work, Harry Potter, birthdays, New Years Eve, and so many more. We talked and laughed and hurt and held back tears and then we ended the night with a round of shots!  It truly was bittersweet.  I thought a couple times throughout the night that it's ok that we don't stay that connected.  I thought that it's ok that we just see each other now and because we can just jump back in and catch up that were good friends.  I asked myself is this true?  Is that Jesus' model of friendship?  I laid in my bed last night and pondered the cost of this way of being friends.  I am thankful that we do reconnect so easily, but I also realize that this does cost us something.  Sure we can have a night every once in a while and catch up, but really we only catch up on big things.  By not doing life together in a real, genuine way we are missing so much.  So much of life happens in the details and in the mundane.  When you only see each other every once in a while you miss so much of what and who this person is in their day to day life.  You miss who this person is now.  You miss out on having them live out Jesus to you.  I am beyond blessed to have known Suzanne and Becky for so many years and I know we will always be friends.  I also know that God is at work in them and I don't want to miss out of growing with them.  May I never get stuck in the friendship of our youth, but may I pursue friendship and make time to know and be known. 

Thanks for a fun night, my girls!!

Hit Me Like A Brick

I heard in a sermon on Sunday a question. I have wrestled with it for several days now.


"Do I seek Jesus for who He is or for what He has to offer me?"

Let me say that again, "Do I seek Jesus for who He is or for what He has to offer me?"

I grew up in a churched background. I know the answer to that question or at least I know what the answer is supposed to be. So for several days I have wrestled with my answer really is. If I'm truthful, my answer is both. There are times when I do seek Jesus just for who He is, but more often it is for what he offers me or how I benefit from having a relationship with Him.
This is a hard truth to swallow. I feel guiltily for it. Then I hear Jesus softly whisper that it's not about me feeling guilty. I hear Him whisper that He loves me more then I can ever know. I rest in the person of Jesus Christ, fully aware that I am flawed, yet forgiven.